TW: EATING DISORDERS, ANOREXIA, BULIMIA, ANXIETY/DEPRESSION

You’re right, I don’t. And I’m not. But when I was sick earlier this summer, and started going days, halves of weeks, without eating a single thing, or when I spent an entire day throwing up everything I ate, I started to look at things a bit differently. When I got better, I was still afraid to eat because of the pain. And then, when the pain went away, I was afraid to eat because…because I’d gone three days, three and a half days, then four days, without eating. I wanted to see how far I could go without eating. Coming home is always stressful for me; being back under the same roof as my parents, being separated from my best friends, not to mention my relationship was on the rocks, I liked that I had complete control over what I put into my body. Or what I didn’t put into my body. I liked the cramping, those aches that were my stomach telling me to eat, it was hungry! I liked seeing how far I could push myself. Now, I started eating again, and I haven’t felt like that for a month now. It wasn’t extreme, I don’t know how much weight I lost, and I don’t care to know. It wasn’t bad, it wasn’t noticeable, it wasn’t even that scary. But it did scare me. Because I was starting to exhibit the signs of an eating disorder. My mindset was very similar to that of people who do have eating disorders.

But I couldn’t have an eating disorder, because I don’t look like I have an eating disorder. And what’s scary is that how many people have eating disorders, but people don’t notice or care, because they don’t “look” like they do? The DSM-IV now says that you have to have a certain weight to get help, and it sickens me. Anybody is susceptible to having health problems, and don’t ever let anyone make you think you can’t or don’t have a problem because you haven’t harmed yourself enough.

I don’t have an eating disorder, and I can’t say what it’s like or speak for someone who does. But if you do, please get help, because you don’t have to do this to yourself.

If you are having problems with depression, suicide or self injury do not hesitate to get help. Talk to a friend, parent or guardian, doctor, teacher, family member, or call any one of the listed hotlines.

Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255 Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386 Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743 Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438 Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673 Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272 Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000 

Also, this blog is a safe space. We are not trained professionals, but we are your friends. At any time, you can drop a line and remain anonymous. We will listen.

-Sabrina

I finally got the courage to do a nude photoshoot… but not the courage to post any of the nude pictures on Tumblr. Anyways, it’s nice to not be insecure about my stomach or legs any more. I know I should love me for myself, but it helps to have someone tell me they think my body is perfect the way it is.

I’ve spent the last half hour staring at this picture trying to come up with an eloquent way to tell you why I love this shitty cell phone shot of Sabrina. I’m not going to find a way, so I’m just going to say it:

Sabrina, you’re a tool for thinking that I was being sarcastic when I said I love this picture of you. You know why I love it? Because right here you are the strong ass, independent woman that is my best friend. You’re fierce as fuck and you know it.

Dude, I think this is like… The one photo I have of you where you aren’t posing and where all of your guards are down. You weren’t trying to be sexy here, you just hanging out with me in the morning smoking a cigarette, like we do every morning we are together.

Your face has become you, your breasts have become you and your stomach has become you because you didn’t care what I thought about them. You owned them. You didn’t give a fuck. You just lit up your smoke and asked to go get food. You’re beautiful here because you’re comfortable in your skin.

Anyway, you’re fierce as fuck. I admire you and miss your pink hair.

Tiny Imperfections

Submission: I year ago I would have been afraid to wear a short black dress with no sleeves….

Now I say FUCK it….I do what I want.

Oh my goodness, you look absolutely FABULOUS!!! :D I’m so glad you’ve overcome being afraid to wear that dress, because you look wonderful

Trigger Warning: Self Injury & [past] negative self image

So, something about this photo:

This is an abstract of the human body, my body. I’m not going to tell you what part it is, I’m sure you can figure it out.

There are two very important things about this photo, the first being that it is apparent that I am fat and the second being that the focal point is on my scars.

I have seventy two scars throughout my body, all but five of which were self inflicted. I don’t really want to get into the psychology behind cutting, specifically my issue with it, but I will say that it started with a negative body image. 

What I’m getting at is that I hated myself hardcore. I hated myself enough to leave sixty seven reminders on my arms, thighs and stomach.

Negative self image can leave scars that are sometimes physical, but most often emotional. Radical Self Love doesn’t happen in one day, but every day you work toward it is progress. 

If you are having problems with depression, suicide or self injury do not hesitate to get help. Talk to a friend, parent or guardian, doctor, teacher, family member, or call any one of the listed hotlines.

• Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696
• Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433
• LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255 
• Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386 
• Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743 
• Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438 
• Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673 
• Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272 
• Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000 

Also, this blog is a safe space. We are not trained professionals, but we are your friends. At any time, you can drop a line and remain anonymous. We will listen. 

Fat.

People hate that word, fat. 

I used to hate the word fat. Instead, I came up with infinite synonyms to describe myself: big-boned, chubby, big, curvy, fluffy, full-figured, etc. Fat was always an insult. It was constantly being spit out of the mouths of sloped-forehead imbeciles through crowded public school hallways as the imbeciles watched for tears to spring to my eyes. As I grew older, the word stopped having an effect on me. yes, I was fat. I had accepted that, and what idiot chose to insult me on something so obvious, so visible? But then, as I grew up (and out), and started to love my body more, I was brought to the realization that FAT doesn’t need to be an insult. It’s a describing word, and one that I have come to own. I have fat on my body. I have fat arms, fat thighs, a fat belly. I have fat inside me. And I am Fat. But I am also strong, beautiful, loving, creative. Nothing to do with being fat. My weight, my body, my FAT does not take away from everything that I love about myself. Including my fat thighs. Fat does not have to be an insult. It’s a word, and as a writer, I give power to words. Words do not give me power, or take it away from me.

Words by Sabrina, Body by Catie

Tiger Stripes

-Catie